Lately life is all kinds of mixed up turned around. Even the choices I make that I think are aligning with what God wants for me don't seem to add up. Nothing is quite making any sense and to be completely honest, up until yesterday I was clinging to the last bit of control I have over my life.
And God being God allows me the free will to attempt to control my life. To attempt to be perfect and strive and strain at making my life make sense. Because He loves me, He allows me to make silly choices like chopping all of my hair off in some ridiculous effort to strip myself of all selfishness or vanity and then reminds me ever so lovingly, by allowing my bible to fall into a bowl of water, that what is on the outside cannot change what is on the inside.
Because whether my hair is short or long it doesn't change the fact that on the inside my heart has been growing weary. And just because my bible is now wrinkled and worn does not change the fact that it is the key to all of my weariness.
And He loves me enough, He-the creator of the universe, the lover of my soul, the healer of my brokenness, the restoration for my sinful life, the Savior and Abba Father loves little old me so much that He would allow me to run myself into the ground trying to gain control just to have me fall at His feet and relinquish all control into His open hands and lay my weary heart in His arms.
And just like that He begins to restore me.
And suddenly losing all control feels like gaining my whole life back. Because the truth of it all is I don't need to know where I am headed because I know the One who does. And all He really asks of me is to trust Him.
And I do.
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