Would it make a difference?

I was in desperate need of an oil change so I headed to Jiffy Lube on my way home from work today. I made my way into the waiting area where there was one other customer, a man wearing business clothes in his 20s as well. He was on the phone when I took my seat but soon after ended the call. Endless coverage of the events from Friday were playing on the TV screen and he made a comment towards me "I can't believe it, so crazy huh?" or something to that affect.

I have to be honest, by this point in the day I was rundown, overwhelmed with life decisions and feeling like I wanted to cry and throw a little girl tantrum. So all I could really muster was a "yeah, so sad."

A couple minutes later cell phone rang and it was my sister calling. I answered but then felt this nudge on my heart saying "don't you think talking on the phone in this small waiting room is a little rude?" and it was. Especially after this man had tried to engage in a conversation.

And honestly this may seem ridiculous to some, but I felt terrible for talking on the phone for the next 5 minutes in front of him. No I didn't know him and no I was not obligated to speak to him but I think that's a lot of what is wrong with our mentality these days. We've gotten so inside our little worlds that we don't realize a short conversation in a waiting room with another human could maybe be a moment for encouragement, enlightenment, who knows.

So I have to ask myself. Would it make a difference if I had said how I really feel towards the tragedy that occurred on Friday? Would it make a difference if I had offered more than a measly, half-hearted, "yeah, so sad." Would it make a difference if I had instead shared my faith by stating "yes, it is so sad; it is all the more evidence that we live in a broken world and how desperately we need Jesus, our Savior." And yes he might have looked at me blankly and thought, man she's coo-coo crazy BUT it may have been a moment where his whole perspective changed.

So I ask you to consider with me; would it make a difference if we engaged in conversations with those around us as if it was our one opportunity to change their lives forever?

I think it would.

Oh cross that lifts and holds my head

This song changes my heart every time I listen to it.

Be blessed by its truth today.

He loves you with a love that will not let go.

"And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them to eternal life at the last day." -John 6:39

My love I will keep you by My power alone

Lately life is all kinds of mixed up turned around. Even the choices I make that I think are aligning with what God wants for me don't seem to add up. Nothing is quite making any sense and to be completely honest, up until yesterday I was clinging to the last bit of control I have over my life.

And God being God allows me the free will to attempt to control my life. To attempt to be perfect and strive and strain at making my life make sense. Because He loves me, He allows me to make silly choices like chopping all of my hair off in some ridiculous effort to strip myself of all selfishness or vanity and then reminds me ever so lovingly, by allowing my bible to fall into a bowl of water, that what is on the outside cannot change what is on the inside.

Because whether my hair is short or long it doesn't change the fact that on the inside my heart has been growing weary. And just because my bible is now wrinkled and worn does not change the fact that it is the key to all of my weariness.

And He loves me enough, He-the creator of the universe, the lover of my soul, the healer of my brokenness, the restoration for my sinful life, the Savior and Abba Father loves little old me so much that He would allow me to run myself into the ground trying to gain control just to have me fall at His feet and relinquish all control into His open hands and lay my weary heart in His arms.

And just like that He begins to restore me.

And suddenly losing all control feels like gaining my whole life back. Because the truth of it all is I don't need to know where I am headed because I know the One who does. And all He really asks of me is to trust Him.

And I do.

Really Taking Up My Cross

Here's what it comes down to:

Either I take up my cross daily or I'm really just selling out.

After countless missteps and going in circles and regret and blatantly disobeying God's will by choosing to push aside His urgent nudgings-this is what it comes downs to:

I want to do the hard stuff. The stuff that makes my heart ache because my flesh cries out to disobey. I want to take up my cross daily. I want to suffer in the name of Jesus and obey God simply because I know He is always right in his leadings despite but I feel. And that's the thing: despite what I feel. Because here's the thing, I could feel anything in the world but at the end of the day if feeling that pain, sadness, loneliness, grief, you name it tough emotion brings me closer to the Father and His will, then I'd always choose that kind of suffering over that which comes with being outside of His will.

Your innocent blood has washed my guilty life

Here's the thing. I suck. I'm human and I screw up a lot.

Here's the other thing. A much bigger thing than all my weaknesses combined:

Despite my constant missteps, attempts to run, bitterness, frustration, guilt, shame, worry, fear, and discontent, God still pursues me.

Here's the real thing:

He pursues me to the point that He sent His son, innocent and blameless, to die in my place. To suffer in my place. And He draws me to my knees despite all my brokenness at the foot of the cross and tells me to look up into the eyes of my Savior and be cleansed.

And He doesn't do this once; God does this for me over and over and over.

Grace upon grace upon grace!

Oh love that will not let me go!

Lately I feel like my life is a lot like when the house in the wizard of oz gets scooped up-a crazy whirlwind-and I can't figure out how to settle on the ground and feel "home." But among all the crazy emotions, the pain, the tears, there is a love that will not let me go.

I wish I could believe it fully beyond a shadow of a doubt but lately my belief feels a lot like believing in a fairytale-I can't quite see how it all comes together yet.

But!

Oh a glorious "but"-the One who does know how all the pieces will eventually fall into place, the One who is my true home, the One who holds me even when I cannot feel His arms, loves me with a love that will not let go.

To choose one thing to cherish above all others about my Savior is impossible-but right now in the midst of all my fears, pain, failure, confusion, doubt, shame, and sadness, this one truth about Him brings me the most comfort-He loves me with a love that will not let go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=j_xz7LsWRvI

You stretched Your arms out wide, I raise my hands up high

In the shuffle of everyday life it's way too easy to forget whose I am and then secondly, to live like who I really am; the truest part of my identity is that I am a child of God. And yet, most days lately, I have to admit, that's the last thing that comes to mind when I think of my identity. I'm beginning to realize how crucial it is to my spiritual health that I take time each day to build up in Christ. And when I do that, I am whole again; an innocent child, at the foot of the cross, eyes up, hands up, knees bent, towards my Savior, the lover of my soul, the one who tells me who I am-simply, His.


Chains are broken,
Shame has fallen,
All my sins are gone!